Thursday, January 28, 2016

What The Heck is an "Open" Marriage?

A Poet, who I'm cool with, said that he's in an open relationship on Face Book. Actress/Comedienne MO ' NIQUE stated in an interview, that she and her husband, have an Open Marriage. What the heck does that mean?

When I was single, I acted single! I dated different Women. A few, became "Real" relationships but the only time, we were "Open", was before we established, that we wanted to have a more defined committed relationship.

Can you BE married and BEhave as if you are single? The answer is NO! If you are married there is a certain selfishness, a certain jealousy, a possessiveness, that comes along with it. It's Required! It's a Rule!

We hate Rules Mista Jaycee!

I know! That's why, I love y'all so much! But darn it! If we gon have this here relationship, we gon have to have some rules! Set some boundaries!

Open Relationship! WTH!!!!!

I bet you the idea of an "Open Relationship" was invented by the same company that invented "Casual Sex" and "Casual Friday"!


There ain't no "Casual" about it!

For instance, lets say, I come over to my female buddies place, grab a beer, and watch a liberated copy of the "Book of Eli". Then I casually comment that she has nice D/S Lips! She doesn't get offended, cause we buddies right?

Then, I casually, start to kiss her lips, we have sex, and after we've finished, we, casually go about our lives, cause we just buddies right? We don't hang out the next few days, then see each other in the market. I'm with another girl! I'm shaved, bathed and well BEhaved. I introduced you as my buddy. You not mad! Right?
There's no Commitment, no Agreement we've made. There's no dishonor right?

It's alright! I've never shaved for you! I've never dressed up for you! I've never BEhaved with you, like I'm BEhaving now! We're buddies! We've seen each other nekked! We've shared essence! But hey! Buddies right? "Casual"! Change one detail. Now, we seeing one another. You stop by my place to bring me a plate, but it's an "Open" relationship, so it's cool that another girl's leaving my place right?

It's "Open!"

We just buddies! Just Friends! This was all very "Casual" right? You wake up, and put on all your buddies t-shirts and make breakfast, after y'all had sex right?

Y'all starting to get the point? Course y'all are! Some of y'all are bristling right now cause y'all in that kind of relationship right now!

There ain't no OPEN relationship! There ain't no OPEN Marriage! There is no "CASUAL" Sex! That's some bullshyt that they sold you!

Think on it! God (IAM) tells us in the 10 Commandments that God (IAM) is a Jealous God! In the 2nd Testament (New Testament) The Church is likened to a Woman and a Bride and Yeshua (Jesus) is called the Bridegroom. It's a Marriage! It's a bond! A serious thang.
What I think they mean when they say "Open" is that they are not "Committed"! Now, the reasons may vary. Maybe she's rich but old. He goes to all the parties and looks pretty for her. He goes out and gets him a Young Woman as long as he's discreet. They may even care for each other, but the Marriage is not made of the right stuff. Maybe He's Gay but wants a Family. He's good to her and the kids. They Love and care for each other as much as the other is able.
Now on the other side.
Maybe one is just afraid. Fear will have you accept alot of things. It keeps a Woman who's had three children by the same Man from demanding that they make it legal and honest.
Fear will make a Man accept being the Boyfriend in everything but name! People fear permenance! They fear Commitment! It means that you are accountable! It means that you have to BE responsible!
It means that you miss out on the Good Stuff! Marriage is beautiful when it's done right! It's beautiful and although you may glance at someone else occasionally you won't miss being single. Not when it done right. Marriage ain't for Punks though. That's why you got to get a license!
Now as far as a relationship goes. Being "THE" Girlfriend or Boyfriend is the ish! It beats being the sidepiece, wifey, Eff Buddie, jump off, MILF, and HLF (Homie Lover Friend) any day of the week. It means that they are yours! All yours! You don't have to share and you won't BE shared! It means your exclusive!
If the person you married to ain't grown enough to BE married all the way to you..then maybe y'all need to each find someone who is. If the person you are dating is not committed to you fully. Then, keep dating and you will find someone who is.
Don't Settle for BEing "Open" Don't let someone toss you away "Casually" Dig?
BE Prayerful! BE Mindful! BE Careful!


JStar said...

AMEN to this post Jaycee! Whats the point of the commitment if its open...Where is TRUE commitment these days...If you are going to "Act" single, then go ahead and be single...Someone will only do what you ALLOW them to do...If you respect yourself, then others will to...demand it

2cute4u said...

So true.. I've even indulged in that..There always a point where the line's crossed.. We all just deceive ourselves.. Really silly..
please visit

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

There was a book out in the '70s, I think called Open Marriage. It generated a lot of conversation among my brother's generation (he's older than me). Some of those folks were into swinging and threesomes too. I was teenager when my mom was shocked; she met the mother of a new friend of mine (white), and later, this woman "invited" her to have a threesome with her husband. My mama was really grossed out over that. She also knew the family (black) of a boy in my neighborhood and described them as perverts because they were into having drunken orgies. The thing is, both kids, that little white girl and that black boy, were really confused kids. I don't think that kind of environment is healthy for children. Duh.

Later, in the '80s I read that few of these open relationships survive because humans are innately possessive, and two, the risk of your spouse (or you) finding someone they like more is high, usually due to the novelty of your relationship wearing off - same as BF/GF relationships.

Personally, I'd go bonkers in an open marriage. Dealing with hidden adultery is more than enough for most folks to handle, you know.

Well, for every pot, there's a lid, so lotsa luck, Monique.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like settling to me. There's no such thing as an open marriage. Maybe 'generous partnership' is a better expression. Still stinks though, lol.

Anyaposh said...

I don't get the 'Open' clause either. I think it's a weak bandage used to cover up people's dissatisfaction with their partners and their lives in general. It's a recipe for disaster!

jaded said...

I actually agree with marriage sounds like a bit of a sham to me: Really you don't care your hubby is sleeping with the next door neighbor? Really??? Suuuuuuuuure.

That said, I guess I'm at a point where, if it works for some people... then well it works.

A lot of how I feel about certain situations (like "open" marriages) are a reflection of exactly that. How. I. Feel. Who says I'm right?

There is something off putting to me about a taking a situtation that I don't condone, and then (because it wouldn't work for me) proclaiming it's just wrong.

Does that stop me from doing it? lol. No not really. But it has helped me from completely judging others!

Honestly, I think I'm moving toward being more tolerant of ideas that I don't proscribe to (not just ideas though...lots of things!)

That said, would I participate in an open marriage? Nope. But I'll try my damndest not to think any less of you if you choose to!

Mista Jaycee said...

Hey Jaded,
I am not avocating dealing only in absolutes but there is Right and Wrong. It can be discerned. Somethings are wrong! There's no subjection to it!

Some folks are perfectly happy being Eff buddies! They agree, that it's just sex, it works til one of them gets feelings! Then, it's a problem. It's most likely one of them gon get feelings cause that's the way we are made! We are made to get those feelings on extreme bonding rituals like love making!


jadednomore said...

Hey! I promise I'm not trying to antagonize you just to antagonize you; I actually agree with you. But the only reason why I agree is because I feel like it is a lifestlye that I could not live.

I agree with you, somethings, at their very core seem to be down right wrong!

For some reason this doesn't strike me as one of them...especially when there is a debate about whether nature vs nuture argument about monogamy.

I think about countries which practice pologamy; and how in many ways open marriages may (or may not...I wonder if the "open" part is double speak for sleep around?) be similar. And again, even though I wouldn't want it for myself, I'm not opposed to something that fufills a function of societal and cultural norms.

Anyway, thank you for a such a thought provoking post.

ChocolateOrchid said...

Amen and amen.