Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Mista Jaycee's List of Weapons of Mass Destruction!


The Jheri Curl
Unleashed in the 80's by a desperate Dry cleaning industry, this lubricated, highly addictive and flammable hairstyle like the hair weave turned a generation of young Afrikan Warriors into Psycho Eunuch's! Women were mesmerized by the sheen but quickly learned you can't wash that out of your clothes and Sheets!
Hello, and Welcome to another installment of Mista Jaycee's Weapons of Mass Destruction!



Disclaimer: The images you will see will be graphic and shocking! Mista Jaycee is not responsible for any permanent damage incurred! If you laugh and shoot soda out your nose, It ain't my fault! View at your own risk!




And now on with our program!


The Brazilian Thong

Used properly this can create breathtaking visuals inspiring poetry and increasing the population of any area immensely.


But...(No Pun intended)



Used improperly the horror that can be unleashed not to mention the hours of sheer comedy well...point is leave it to the professionals. You could put some one's eye out!



Next up on our list!


The hair weave!
Once used by professional hair salons to provide the wearer with a thicker look temporarily. It escaped and was introduced into the general populace of an undetermined Large Urban Center! This foreign object once introduced into the ecosystem has wrought havoc turning cute young women with short natural beauty into brainwashed zombie bots!


Mista Jaycee personally believes that this particular weave tried to crawl and attach itself to his then girlfriend. She was saved only when Mista Jaycee angry after listening to a Kenny G album wrestled it to the floor and killed it using a Cuisinart!


Next...

The dreaded Leisure Suit!


Unleashed after the CIA LSD Experiments were discontinued this in tandem with disco and the mysterious Mr. Jiggly. It ruined every television show from the late 60's until the early 80's! Like any virus it lay dormant for over a decade but threatened a new outbreak after Jamaroqui came out with Space Cowboy! It's flammability is the stuff of legend. This in combo with Stasoftfro and Afro Sheen would have burned down all of West Philly!


Beware! Be Vigilant!

BE Careful! BE Mindful! BE Prayerful!

Jaycee



26 comments:

Miss.Stefanie said...

Things hurt......I guess they hurt any one who has a large booty...I dunno could be wrong.

I love these!

Mista Jaycee said...

I know I hate the way they bunch onn me! (smile)

Athena Christine. said...

lmfao.

EF Swagee said...

thnx 4 the laugh!!
happy new year to you, too!

MilesPerHour said...

Scary stuff. (well the thong ain't too bad, but hell to the no if you think I'd wear one)

Super Woman said...

"She was saved only when Mista Jaycee angry after listening to a Kenny G album wrestled it to the floor and killed it using a Cuisinart!"

--And you say i need a hug? Lol

Love the blog and Kanye west has repeatedly utilized that last weapon of mass destruction. If im not mistaken he also used it at an inaugural ball last night ...Poor People...Poor poor unsuspecting citizens

Lil Honey B said...

ROFL...That's FUNNY!!! Too many folks abuse the thong. It is not for everyone. Ladies, when in doubt, full coverage is best! If you must forgo panty lines, invest in some Spanx or something similiar. The weave is abused also. Ain't nothin wrong with it...just too much of a good thing and it isn't good anymore. It's 2009 ya'll, and we GOT to do better!!!

Emeka Amakeze said...

I'm mindful, careful and prayerful

(vixenchick) said...

lol at the curl!

kmX said...

LMAO, you are too funny.
I'll def be comin through here often. & The Jheri Curl is my favorite. =]

-:|:-.T.Roqka.-:|:- said...

Thank you.. I reallllly needed to laugh today and your comedies did the trick... That "killed it using a Cuisinart" line was hilarious. LOL.

Bon Don said...

I obviously didn’t have the right hair type when J-curls were “In” but I attempted to achieve the look with half a bottle of mousse, gel and a can a hair spray for that “wet scrunchy look” does that count?

*Bon Don*

jjbrock said...

Mista Jaycee and what was wrong with the Leasure curl?

Mista Jaycee said...

Orthopedic surgeons rejoiced at the ankle injuries incurred by the slip and falls from the curl juice. Have we forgotten the Scary Curl? When it was no longer a curl but half naps/half lubication? The Horror!

Keith said...

Oh my God that was funny...I needed
a good laugh today..Thanks!

LaQT said...

Oh my, the weave and the thong! What can I say, there needs to be some sort of application process or something.
My mother called me all the way from Massachusetts a while back to ask me how to put on a thong. She had the crotch part on the side of her hip..to be honest I'm not sure how she got that thing on. Sorry about the visual.
I get so tired of seeing raggedy thongs. I saw an old woman with a velour track suit on and she was with her grandchildren, when she bent down to try on some shoes she had this raggedy stringy thing coming from her tail, made me sick! I couldn't believe it.
And lets not talk about the raggedy, very obvious weaves that women wear just so they can have long hair. RI..DONC..U..LOUS!!!!
Oh and where is the post on low-rise jeans...how could you omit it...so many repeat offenders!!!Lol! Low-rise shoud really be discontinued!

Brandy said...

oh hell yea this was too funny. I had almost forgotton the poor innocent sheets and couches and othe fabrics that indured the pure torture of the J-curl juice. tisk tisk what a shame.

Mista Jaycee said...

Not on everybody the low rises can be a good thing but you must respect the power!
Jaycee

♪ ♪ Fř£Sh pŘîNÇëSš™ said...

thisis hilarious!!!!!

Kenya Goodman said...

Bwahahahaha! OMG! It's too early to be laughing this hard! The jheri curl picture got me...lol!

Afrobabe said...

That thing hurts even if u dont have a large body, the thong I mean...it's uncomfortable and u keep pulling it out..lol

the YOUNG LIONESS said...

lol!!!! this is good stuff :)

***stopping by***

:::knock on door...makes herself comfortable::

Mista Jaycee said...

Does anyone remember when the curl lost all the moisture and as it baked in the sun, it became a helmet? Does anyone remember the S-Curl?

The sheer Comedy!

LaaLaa said...

lmfao, ooo damn i personally aint a thong girl, too much digging outs =/ !!

Bombchell said...

HA HA HA HA HA u so wrong!!!!


do u know whats better, when one gets braids, and it falls down while walking!!!! lol and ppl stop u

DC DIVA DATING ADVENTURES said...

LOL @ the weave....no wonder why I find so many on the sidewalks in DC...guys are beating them with kitchen tools....ha ha. I'll be visiting more often...