Weiner says "DON"T BLAME THE WANG!"

Weiner:   Welcome to my press conference and thanks for coming out. I like to thank Nesquik and all my sponsors from Nascar who believed in me.  Well, I guess y'all wondering about the pictures.  I know that I said that I didn't do it, well I lied.  

Audience: Uhhhhh Huh! No duh Spumwad! (From the Far rear left hand side)

Mista Jaycee:  Why would you try to lie about a matter like this when there are so many recent examples that demonstrate that it would have been better just to come clean? Tiger Woods, John Edwards.....

Weiner:  Well, have you seen my Wife?  Do you know what she's capable to doing to me? Sheeeeeeeeeet! She hangs out with Hillary Clinton,   Her thighs are massive. She'd kick the crap out of me and  hell, I ain't been in a fight since sixth grade. 
Mista Jaycee:  I can imagine what your Wife would do to you.

Weiner:  It was just some friendly fun. Come on, I was talking to Sexxxy Virgin Girl,  Hawtbod669, Lusciousbootie and Hawtunda21 on Facebook and after talking about how I would help Mr. Obama save the economy we started a game of Show me yours and I'll show you miiiine.  Well, They showed me theirs! (Congressman's eyes go glassy)

Mista Jaycee: Uh, Congressman! Congressman! Congressman Weiner, Ewww Man?
You want a few minutes alone of something? Maybe...Oh Damn it, Wipe the drool off your tie Man! 

(Short Break and an empty lotion bottle later)

Weiner:  So about those pictures, they were all innocent! Just good clean fun.

Mista Jaycee: Mr. Congressman, where is your Wife?

Weiner: See, Why you gotta bring that up?  Not to be all Kobe Bryant in this mutha but Bill The Thrill Clinton gotta hummer from that nice intern and his Wife stood next to him. Hell, that wasn't even the worse time, Sheeeet what about when Rush Limbaugh was poppin Oxycontin and masturbating to tapes of Ronnie Reagan and Michael Steele goosed Sarah Palin.  Sheeeet, she's a freaky lil vixen. Whooo!

I think it's just something that's been used to smear me and the Colors of my Public Office since I pointed out that Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas's Wife was making all this unreported side Cheddar from conservative think tanks   . I'm just saying.

NOTE: Neither A Choice of Weapons or Mista Jaycee can or really wants to confirm that Rush Limbaugh was masturbating to Ronald Reagan or that Michael Steele goosed Sarah Palin. We'll take Lil Weiners word for it. ( By the way Mike, if it is true, you nastee)

Mista Jaycee: Congressman, every Real Newspaper and Journalist in the World is aware and investigating your recent assertions that Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas's Wife has been paid UNREPORTED (By Justice Thomas)  SIDE INCOME from CONSERVATIVE THINK TANKS.. but does that really excuse YOUR behavior?

(What every newspaper in America is NOT checking to see if SUPREME COURT JUSTICE THOMAS has a BIAS and a CONFLICT OF INTEREST?)

Mista Jaycee: So Congressman, what are plans after Public Life? 

Weiner:  I'm not going to resign! I've admitted my wrongdoings (at least the ones you can prove) and I think we should all just move on.  And why would I resign?   I assure you I ain't the only one that's gotten caught up with some bull-ish like this and more besides you ask what would I do after public life? F*c* if I know! Have you seen the job market out there? Who the hell besides Congress would hire someone like me? You've seen my Twitter! I'm not going to resign!

Mista Jaycee: Good point Congressman who the hell would hire someone like you? And yes, I've seen your Twitter. Damn! You sick lil Weiner Monkey! You stated it right, who the hell would hire you besides...Congress?!!! Well, Justice Thomas has proven to be resilient after the Anita Hill sexual harassment case, maybe after public life you can be a Supreme Court Justice. You certainly have the resume.

BE Prayerful! BE Mindful! BE Careful!
Jaycee