Monday, January 25, 2010


Jake: "You just killed your Friend!"

Alonzo: " Why is he my friend Jake? Cause he knows my name?" Scene from Training Day

Years ago, an older dude, I went to college with peeped game. Jay, You have No friends! That does not exist. He then went on to explain and teach me his criteria. Big Will

Big Will's Criteria

We have no friends! In truth you have....


1. Associates

2. Affiliates

3. Constituents


1. Close Associates

2. Close Affiliates

3. Close Constituents

The subject of Friends and how we label someone a Friend is subjective. Who are your "Friends"?

How did you begin to consider them worthy of that?

For example, I worked with a fella, who when I was having car trouble, gave me a ride to a bus stop in Long Beach. This shaved off about an hour of my commute time everyday until I was able to get my car running again. We had great conversations, shared jokes and we also shared music and had each others personal emails.


Well, we could have been. But no! Co-workers! That was the correct designation. Not Friends! He'd said, more than enough things, that let me know he was not a friend. Friends, don't talk ish about you or belittle you. They don't!

For me, because we traded music, had each others personal emails and shared conversations and jokes, I thought we were friends. Those things were intimate and personal to me. Those were things that I reserved for people I valued. When I first started to perform in the Poetry/Spoken Word Scenes I met people under their Stage Names.
People know me now under my Stage Name or Pen Name. Mista Jaycee! Very few people ever get to know me under my Government name. Were we friends?
No, we were Associates, Close Associates and Affiliates. We had the building blocks for friendship though. We shared common interests. But, we were also in direct competition with one another. We are performers! All of us want to be commercially successful!

Now, back to the dude at work. For him, it didn't mean that! We didn't value the same things or have the same criteria for friendship. In that case being just Co-Workers is a proper definition.

For the sake of discussion, I think he's a bit of a A-hole! But it serves as a good illustration of what I mean.

I listen to my Daughter, and many other people, and they all complain about this very same issue. It covers the entire spectrum of people. I see it pop up on Myspace and Facebook and even, in the Bloggosphere. Friends!

The dictionary doesn't have the meaning of Friends! Whodini! 1984

I memorized Big Wills criteria for defining friendship. I look back on it, at least once, every six months. I believe that friendship is possible and does exist. I even, believe it, can exist ,beyond the Platonic status between the sexes. I even believe it can exist, after the sexes, have shared imitate moments. (Had Sex)
Of Course, it takes work, and more often than not, it doesn't work. But sometimes it does. I think it depends on what you value and why you value that person.

Why is or was this person considered your friend? Was it cause you worked together a long time? Cause they bought you lunch? That doesn't constitute friendship! It doesn't! The food they brought was a 2 for 1 deal from Jack in the Box! It didn't cost much and they gave you a taco to keep they own weight down!

You went to school together! So! Do they call you just to ask how you are doing? Maybe they send a Christmas card but do they even call enough to know you converted to being a Buddhist?

Are you friends? Did you share your conversion with them? Why? Why not? Distance? Email will shorten that! Why? or Why Not?
See, just cause you went to school together and you were friends back then does not mean that you are friends now. Sure, the commonality of having been school mates is a solid building block but TIME, facilitates CHANGE! People change over time. You were drinking buddies, but now you don't drink! You were a party animal! A freak in the Bed! Now, you a Church going Man or Woman. Are you still friends?

If you DE-Friended someone on Facebook, did they notice? Did they contact you and ask why? If not why not?

I didn't accept Will's criteria of Friendship but it does serve as an instruction to me. I would hope that in life we would have true friends. The truest being God (IAM) and Yeshua (Jesus) but life being impermanent has shown me more than enough that Will wasn't that off.

Who do you consider your friend?

BE Prayerful! BE Mindful! BE Careful!



Serious Black said...

Jay, I consider you one of my most trusted friends. The fact that I have never told anyone that you wear a manzear means I'm your friend. Oooops...It's a...not true he just lets his moobies hang.

ChocolateOrchid said...

Hmmm, I've been considering this these past few weeks (or at least similiar to it). Well, as it relates to friends from college. We were all pretty tight back then. Although we don't talk often, we do connect every once in awhile & I do still consider them my good friends.

However, my close friends are the ones that I get together with often, have frequent conversation with, share similiar thoughts with, we can bounce ideas off of eachother, we support eachothers choices whether we agree with them or not, and generally have the same or similiar mindsets on life and growing as a individual. And these things are pretty much on a daily basis.

I definitely believe in "friends" and "friendship". And I do believe that there are levels of friendship.

Mista Jaycee said...

It's not a Manzear! It's a Bro! A Bro Darn it!

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

Hmmm...something to really think about, actually I do often. I tend to be stingy with my "special"

I have countless associates and constituents, but a handful of true friends. I don't see anything wrong with it either.

No said...

I've often felt that i suffer from the opposite. keeping such a tight knit circle and missing opportunities to expand upon those building blocks. Friendship to me has always been something I've given out carefully. I do know that there are some people whom i am not as close to in my life now but we've built bonds over the last decade or two (can't believe i just said that) and then there are people who have so much in common with me i feel as if I've known them forever. but are very new to my world. I think there are true friends and those people don't necessarily alway have to be loyal to you- many of us have siblings that we would never have a relationship with were it not for our blood ties because of the way family can treat one another from time to time. what i think a good friend isn't always required to hold this mantle of making you feel good being around them. but more than anything you know they love you even if it means it has been years since you've talked to them you can pick up right where you left off. sometimes you don't know they love you- just like family at times- but they are there when called upon and a true friend doesn't have to connect with a religious change or a dietary change or change in lifestyle because they understand your inner workings- as much leeway as you would give a brother or mother who doesn't get the same... Just my opinion- hell as long is it is i should've made it my blog for today lol


Demon Hunter said...

A true friend will help you hide the body. LOL. :-D

I have a few "real" friends. I've learned not to just call anyone a friend the older I've gotten. So the fact that I'm no longer a misanthrope gives me renewed faith in humanity. :-D

Val or Pro Brooklynite said...

*comes in and throws pillow at you* first off i am humbled that you like that poem. Before i proceed to tell you why i mosey'd my ass in here let me get this out first "I loooooooooove your blogs! now with that said i am going to school you about the comment you left... I truly appreciate you Mr. Jaycee.. and while i agree with your comment i disagree in the same breath and you just inspired my next blog. thank you hun, Enjoy your week! toodles. - Val

Val or Pro Brooklynite said...

oh and to answer your question friends are extended family sometimes more in the sense that you can show your true self with no reserve. I have 5 good ones. and all the rest are associates because they only see one face. The one i choose to show. while the others see every flaw

Mista Jaycee said...

Hey Val/Pro
I look forward to reading your next blog entry as well. I will accept your invitation and be there with bells on. Not literally but I'll BE there!
This could be some real good discussion.

babbler said...

Dear Mista Sir,
I very much enjoyed reading this blog entry, I have been giving the idea of who my friends are some serious thought....I think a spot of tea will cause me to think about who I would like to have that spot of tea WITH... I have but one great friend, and that is my husband, "Mr. Slug," who is the lucky one who gets peanut butter sandwiches made special by me in the morning. Have a pleasant and prosperous day, Love, Mrs. Slug