Jake: "You just killed your Friend!"
Alonzo: " Why is he my friend Jake? Cause he knows my name?" Scene from Training Day
Years ago, an older dude, I went to college with peeped game. Jay, You have No friends! That does not exist. He then went on to explain and teach me his criteria. Big Will
Big Will's Criteria
We have no friends! In truth you have....
1. Close Associates
2. Close Affiliates
3. Close Constituents
The subject of Friends and how we label someone a Friend is subjective. Who are your "Friends"?
How did you begin to consider them worthy of that?
For example, I worked with a fella, who when I was having car trouble, gave me a ride to a bus stop in Long Beach. This shaved off about an hour of my commute time everyday until I was able to get my car running again. We had great conversations, shared jokes and we also shared music and had each others personal emails.
Well, we could have been. But no! Co-workers! That was the correct designation. Not Friends! He'd said, more than enough things, that let me know he was not a friend. Friends, don't talk ish about you or belittle you. They don't!
For me, because we traded music, had each others personal emails and shared conversations and jokes, I thought we were friends. Those things were intimate and personal to me. Those were things that I reserved for people I valued. When I first started to perform in the Poetry/Spoken Word Scenes I met people under their Stage Names.
People know me now under my Stage Name or Pen Name. Mista Jaycee! Very few people ever get to know me under my Government name. Were we friends?
No, we were Associates, Close Associates and Affiliates. We had the building blocks for friendship though. We shared common interests. But, we were also in direct competition with one another. We are performers! All of us want to be commercially successful!
Now, back to the dude at work. For him, it didn't mean that! We didn't value the same things or have the same criteria for friendship. In that case being just Co-Workers is a proper definition.
For the sake of discussion, I think he's a bit of a A-hole! But it serves as a good illustration of what I mean.
I listen to my Daughter, and many other people, and they all complain about this very same issue. It covers the entire spectrum of people. I see it pop up on Myspace and Facebook and even, in the Bloggosphere. Friends!
The dictionary doesn't have the meaning of Friends! Whodini! 1984
I memorized Big Wills criteria for defining friendship. I look back on it, at least once, every six months. I believe that friendship is possible and does exist. I even, believe it, can exist ,beyond the Platonic status between the sexes. I even believe it can exist, after the sexes, have shared imitate moments. (Had Sex)
Of Course, it takes work, and more often than not, it doesn't work. But sometimes it does. I think it depends on what you value and why you value that person.
Why is or was this person considered your friend? Was it cause you worked together a long time? Cause they bought you lunch? That doesn't constitute friendship! It doesn't! The food they brought was a 2 for 1 deal from Jack in the Box! It didn't cost much and they gave you a taco to keep they own weight down!
You went to school together! So! Do they call you just to ask how you are doing? Maybe they send a Christmas card but do they even call enough to know you converted to being a Buddhist?
Are you friends? Did you share your conversion with them? Why? Why not? Distance? Email will shorten that! Why? or Why Not?
See, just cause you went to school together and you were friends back then does not mean that you are friends now. Sure, the commonality of having been school mates is a solid building block but TIME, facilitates CHANGE! People change over time. You were drinking buddies, but now you don't drink! You were a party animal! A freak in the Bed! Now, you a Church going Man or Woman. Are you still friends?
If you DE-Friended someone on Facebook, did they notice? Did they contact you and ask why? If not why not?
I didn't accept Will's criteria of Friendship but it does serve as an instruction to me. I would hope that in life we would have true friends. The truest being God (IAM) and Yeshua (Jesus) but life being impermanent has shown me more than enough that Will wasn't that off.
Who do you consider your friend?
BE Prayerful! BE Mindful! BE Careful!