Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Fiction: Effin D Cups Part 3

Hey Y'all,
So this is the last section of the Effin D Cups! We left Wilt and Dr. John Morales in Dr. Morales Home office.

“Wilt, I going to draw some blood and have your hormones tested. I’ll need a sperm sample too. I’m going to take you off work and place you on disability until we figure this out. Don’t worry we will work it out.”

I hated his reassuring voice right now. Plus, he seemed too excited about this. He had this insane gleam in his eye. At this thought, I decided to ask some real questions.

“John, what am I gonna do? I, not we woke up with breasts. I’m a man!

A Man! Damn it! What am I going to do? , I felt myself going over the edge. How will I be able to get through this? At that moment a text was coming through. By the ring tone I knew Sheba Jones wanted to take another bite out me.

I ignored it cause of all the times that this was not the time. This was the time! Instead I concentrated on what John was saying.

“Wilt if you couldn’t walk tomorrow what would you do? Would you give up and say I can’t walk so that’s it? If you couldn’t have children would you still be a man? Could you still be loved and love someone? He paused for dramatic effect. Shit, was honestly pissing me off. Sheba sent another text.

This one was marked URGENT! I ignored it because SHEBA was epitome of the word Drama and I didn’t have time for this. She always texted URGENT! Dr. John was still going.

“Well, Wilton Tate? You are Wilton Tate, a man. That doesn’t change because of the shell. And I might add that gender doesn’t make up all of what you are. Who are you at your essence? What are you at you essence?"

He looked at the breasts.

"John, stop staring at my breasts please.”

He laughed.

I can’t help it some poor adult film stars missing those. We both found ourselves laughing, loud and hardy. Then John, put on his Doctor cap again, and began to ask me questions about what had I been doing in the last two weeks. We moved from the examination room into his small office. Once again, Drama Queen Sheba, my Sexxxy friend with benefits texted a Brotha!


"Damn it Wilton! Answer this phone! Need to talk to you now! Right now!"

John stared at me, obviously wondering about the rash of texts. There was a knock at the door. His wife stepped in, I found myself covering my breasts, I mean, the twins! She looked at us, Chai tea tray and saucers held before her. This was just a ruse! John looked at his Wife as a disapproving Father would a naughty child. She didn’t flinch! But her accent became more pronounced.

“Wha Cha want me do? Boy interrupt me Saturday with me Husband yelling bout breasts! I had to see me self!”

I turned so she could get a look at the adult film industries loss. She looked on with her mouth gaped open.

“Whoa, Boy what the hell you do?”

John and I both laughed! Miriam Morales had seen a few really strange things in her life but the look on her face at that moment was priceless. Another text came through.

I took the call.

“Sheba, hi, this is not a good time at all. I’m kinda in the middle of something.”

“Wilt, do you remember the other night when we quarreled?”

Like I said, drama queen, cause we didn’t quarrel we argued but I just listened to what she had to say.

“We argued, not quarreled Sheba. And yes I remember.”

I lied, I was just saying that. I don’t remember that night or at least much of it cause I found a case of beer bottles and a two bottles of Jagermeister. Memories of that evening were foggy at best.

“Wilt, I wanted us to be closer ya know.”

I interrupted.

“You wanted us to be exclusive! That I remember and then got mad cause you wanted to change our relationship. When I wanted to give us a go you wanted your freedom, now you want to be Exclusive after a year of just being bed buddies!”

My tone was cruel but hell I had two watermelon sized Titties that used to be Pecs!


She barked! I could hear her voice break a bit. She was getting really upset.

The only wish I could think of at that moment was "Please Lord don't let her tell me she's pregnant cause I don't want to be breast feeding this Baby!"

“We both made a wish!”

“A wish?”

“I wish that you could see what the world looked like from my point of view. And you said you wanted the same thing! Wilt, has anything funny happened to you?”

I am ashamed to say it but I have never listened to Sheba quite the way I was listening then.
“Yeah…..a couple of things have happened.”

“Wilt, I’ll come wherever you are but I need to see you. You need to see me!”

John and Miriam were both glued to my conversation while sipping Chai Tea. I gave John’s address without thinking about it.

“John and Miriam I’m sorry I should have asked before I invited her here!”

John rubbed his beard. ”Wilt after you brought “Them” in here I have got to see what’s next!”

His ebony life mate agreed. It took about a half hour but Sheba drove her Lexus 450 into the backyard. She exited the SUV as if she hadn’t called me sounding hysterical a mere forty-five minutes earlier. Sheba, statuesque, who stood all of 5’11, stopped, stared into her driver’s side mirror, flipped her hair and walked into the rear office. She wore a Plaid or Tater skirt and a cream colored blouse. She strolled with the walk of a queen. I watched from the rear window, the twins, covered by a sweatshirt.

Miriam greeted her as John came out of his office and shook her hand. She looked to me and I knew whatever she had to show me she wanted private but it couldn't’be crazier than what had already happened. I just stood as she walked towards me with all the grace of a hurricane. She stood before me and looked me in the eye. It felt as if she was boring a hole in my soul.
“Wilt, can we go somewhere else?”

“Sheba this is Dr. John Morales, my doctor, and one of my closet friends. It’s ok. Why don’t you sit down, I don’t want you to be too shocked.”

Miriam, right on cue, extended a glass of tea for her. I looked to John who just gave me this look that said, well, let her have it.

I pealed off my sweat shirt and untapped the twins. Sheba’s mouth dropped open and then she like John and Miriam broke into loud laughter! I found myself a little angry cause I was excited to hear what she had to say and here she was laughing at what happened to me. John, standing behind me set his hand on my shoulder. Miriam stood next to her husband as Sheba inhaled a deep breath and lifted her tarter skirt. To say that everyone exhaled loudly at the same moment would be an understatement……But it definitely alters our relationship.



Well Y'all, that's it for now. There are actually three alternate endings to this story. The original has been published in the Kosmic Muffin Press Long Beach Pan Afrikan Writers Workshop Anthology under the title Mr. Floppy. I hope y'all enjoyed it.



ChocolateOrchid said...

Hahahaha!! Definitely enjoyed! Quite entertaining!!

Great story!

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

Ah-ha! Sheba made a wish they could see the world from each other's view, and the each woke up with new body add-ons. Clever. If you did a part 4, what would that be like, I wonder?

SincerelyGo said...

Before I read this. Where is part 1 and 2 is it all combined in this post?



SincerelyGo said...

Wait a minute...see I'm missing a part...let me go search for it..Bad instructions I tell ya!



Sincerelygo said...

I read it and still feel like I'm missing something from the beginning..but it was hilarious...what in hell were you thinking about when you came up with this...crazy!