Thursday, October 1, 2009

FICTION: "Effin D Cups!" Part 2

Hey Gang,
So I gave you a taste of "Effin D Cups!" the story of a UPS Man who wakes up with the boobs of a porn star. Now, i'll let you have another taste. We now continue this story already in progress!

I called my friend and doctor John Morales. We’d known each other for ten years. I knew his home number. The phone rang several times and I let it keep ringing until someone answered.

“John! I need help man! Breasts! Damn it! John I woke up with Breasts!”

“What? Hello! Who is this?”

In my panic the Misses had answered the phone. She thankfully, handed the phone to her husband before she proceeded to laugh her ass off!

He jumbled the phone, asking his hysterically laughing wife “Who is it? And he said what? She kept on laughing and before long he was giggling too. So was I.

I could hear the pitch of her laughter going higher and higher until she was coughing. I imagined her doubling over in laughter, a single tear streaking down her cheek on her cherry wood floor among the thick throw rugs.

“Wilt? Are you high? What’s up man calm down! Calm down!”

“John, I’m not playing man. I need to see you now! I mean now!”

“Ok, calm down and be at my home office in 15 minutes. He said.”

I calmed down some, jumped in the shower, bathed quickly, dried off and jumped into some clothes. I still took some the time to try and hide the twins. This wasn’t easy. It was like trying to shoplift two watermelons. Ladies, if you reading this I’ma tell you that you can’t blame a dude for looking at em. Damn, it ain’t like we can miss em!

But I digress.

I got in the truck and drove to John’s. I turned the corner and flew into his driveway almost taking out the fence post and this weird looking garden gnome. Mrs. Morales looked startled but she managed to keep her composure and just waved me passed as I drove to the rear of their driveway.

John came out the back entrance stopping to hug and kiss his wife long and slow and walked to the rear office. John is a medium size man but he has a voice that’s as deep as Barry White’s. It’s startling sometimes to hear him. He’s light skinned, green eyed and graying at the temples. I hate to tell the Brotha but he’s beginning to blow some of his feathers up top. He’s kinda thin and walks with a martial artist’s calm gait.

His Wife is a least two maybe two and a half, inches taller than he is. I remember when they met. She was fine and thick then. Now she was larger, having given birth to three children but she still had a nice shape. She was as dark as a blackberry. I hate to even think it but it just us right? I couldn’t help but think about how good her kiss must feel and how good it must taste.

There! I said it!

Moving right along, I got out of the truck as soon as he got close enough to the office door. I didn’t want anyone especially Mrs. Morales to get a look at Dominique Simone’s movie career. I closed the gates to his back yard. John looked at me as if I was 5150. Maybe I was, but he just unlocked his office and turned on the lights not speaking until he had put on his office coat. As soon as he had button the white doctor’s coat he calmly began to speak.

“Wilt what’s wrong? You called hollering about waking up with breasts! You always waking up with breasts. What’s so different about this Saturday morning?”

I dropped the jacket and sweatshirt. His mouth dropped!

“Sweet Mercy!”

I laughed! The look on John’s face was priceless! John reached out tentatively to see if his eyes were deceiving him. Then he lifted the left breast as I had earlier. He poked and prodded me. I felt quite violated. I felt soooo used! I know that sounds funny coming from a man but I did.

“When did you get the implants?”

“I didn’t.” I answered angrily! Well angrier than I felt. I thought Malone may have played a joke but they’re real man. I can feel them.”

He rubbed his beard. He had a good five o’clock shadow which meant I had woken him from a Saturday morning sleep. John Morales never left his home without being shaved and impeccably dressed. He was the original hardest working West Indian and he didn’t believe in half ass stuff.

“What is this? What’s happening to me?” You can take these out right? It’s ain’t possible for a man to grow breasts overnight.”

I felt the rage coming on again. I sulked quietly.

“No, it’s not possible for a man your age to grow breasts overnight but don’t confuse that with growing breasts. Hormones, it would have to be a large dose of estrogen several times a week in order for this to happen and other things would happen too.

Such as?

“Well, he said in a disturbingly effeminate voice. Your voice would get higher, your facial hair would fall out, you chest hair would fall out, your flesh would soften, your hips! Would begin to Roooooooound!

He twirled.

And you’d eventually have a more female appearance. You’re bald but have you begun to shave your head more than before? Your voice sounds as deep as it ever did.

Now Wilt, is there anything you want to tell me? Are you gay? Are you on a hormone therapy? I swung at John and almost connected but he was ready and palmed me in the throat. He stood away from me in a cat stance.

“I’ll take that as a no! I was just checking my friend. But if you were I would only be angry that you hadn’t told me. We’ve been friends a very long time.”

I had to catch my breath. John Morales, General Practitioner was quite elegant but the brother could and would kick ass. Finally I got my voice back.

“What do we do? I can’t go to work like this, what would people say and what. I dared not say this aloud. What if this is not over, what if tomorrow my body continues to change? Why would it do this? What will I do? I’d be some kind of freak!”

The rage was back! John went back into his cat stance, ready, in case he needed to be.
I didn’t move. I had to calm down. I took a deep breath counting backwards from ten and exhaled counting upwards to twenty and then back down again slowly on the inhalation.
John had a great print matted and framed of the Moorish Chief hanging in the examination room.

Ok, Yall! That's all so what do you think about Wilt and his......situation?

BE Prayerful! BE Mindful! BE Careful!


Myne Whitman said...

Is he hallucinating?

ChocolateOrchid said...

Wow!!! This is quite interesting. Almost "sci-fi'ish". I want some more. It's gotta be a deep dream induced from a hellova night.

So curious to know/read the rest of this story.

Mista Jaycee said...

Hey Myne,
Now what would be the fun in reading the story if I gave you a detail like that? But NO! He's not hallucinating! 8-)

Mista Jaycee said...

Chocolate Orchid,
Nope not drug induced! Gotta wait for it!

Mista Jaycee said...

So tell me what kinda dude you think Wilt is?

Miss.Stefanie said...

Your leaving me hanging!!

I DIDNT EVEN SEE THIS POST! I can never not love you no more!

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

“When did you get the implants?”

*die laughing*

Poor guy. This episode was really funny.