Friday, October 2, 2009

SMOOOVE JAZZ! Gaaaaag!


So, I'm riding in the car with Mrs. Jaycee, and she's had a tough day so she's flipping through the radio stations. First, she stopped on 102.3 KJLH (Adult R and B) and we listened for a lil while, but then she turned to the 94.7 The Wave and I about,hurled! It's a joke between us now. She knows how I detest so called SMOOOVE JAZZZZ! She does it just to get a rise out of me. (wink)

I love straight ahead jazz! KJZZ 88.1 Long Beach or y'all can go to Jazzandblues.org and listen to the live feed cause it is one of my favorites but as I was saying I'm stuck in the car about to hurl cause the smoove jazz station, THE WAVE is on.


I reach out to change the station, and Mrs. Jaycee, slaps my hand away with an almost out worldly power. Her eyes were suddenly ablaze crimson and white fire emanating from her eye sockets, her hands, once smooth, now scaly, her beautiful nails transformed to talons of death!
The Cute short Doo was now a mass of burning Medusa type locks flailing about snapping at me. I backed up as they hissed! Then she spoke, her alto voice was gone replaced by a T-Pain like auto tune whine. Waves of sulfur smoke began to choke me as my vision blurred.
"Don't touch my radio! Only the Drrrrrriver gets to Touch the RADIO!"
(This some scary ish right here)
So with the sounds of yet another weak version of Stevie Wonders "As" butchered, and my beautiful Wife, transformed into an auto tune, sulfur bellowing, Wave Loving, Smoove Jazz creature, I reached for the door handle to make my escape! Our SUV was in the fast lane of the 405 freeway, going 70 miles and hour. My Wife, now transformed into the Smoove jazz Thing that shall not be named grabbed me with her talons, yanking the seat belt shoulder harness and securing me in the seat like a two year old and slammed the door!
I remember it well.........I was curled up on the floor in an almost fetal position, Smoove Jazz music blasting through the truck, my Wife, looked down at me and spewed these venomous words with her brimstone breath.
"Stop crying and sucking your thumb you big Clown hating Baby! It's just the Wave! Damn! Make a Knukka have a wreak with that stupid ish!"
Ok, that didn't happen! Well, the don't touch my radio thing did but all the rest of it didn't!
Now, my beef really ain't with the SMOOVE Music or it's players. It's the FORMAT! They play the same songs over and over and over again.

Even worse! All the players sound the same as well. I'm sorry but Miles Davis and Fats Navarro were both Trumpet players but they didn't sound the same! You take John Coltrane, Cannonball Adderley and Wayne Shorter and ask them to play the same tune on an Alto Sax and it will sound totally different from those three players!

Totally different!

See that's the problem with so called Smoove Jazz! It forgot to be Jazz.
Go ahead and name me a few Smoove jazz players. Can you really tell the difference between Boney James and Kenny G?
Go on i'll wait!

What's Jazz really? Well it's improvisational music with a rich connection to the BLUES!


The SMOOVE MUSIC format................

Gag!

Has none of that! But again, what gets me is the Format or lack of variety in the play list.


They play Grover Washington Jr. Cool! Grover Washington was Mutha-------(shut yo Mouth) !



But all they play is "Mr. Magic" or Just the Two of us with Bill Whiters! Grover Washington Jr. had over a twenty year career and all you can play from all them albums. Them HIT albums is those two cuts? Bill Whiters has recorded tons of music that could be played on the Smoove station but it's never seen the light of day there.

WTF??????


Same with George Benson, Al Jarreau, Michael Franks and Stanley Turntine!

Dig....go to You Tube and look Stanley Turntine and Grant Green up then come back!

I know this statement will start a huge argument but.....COOL! Just so you understand where Mista Jaycee's coming from...just cause the music is instrumental does not make it JAZZ!

Some would argue it's not even music but that's the extreme! Then they totally neglect George Howard and Pieces of a Dream! They only play Kenny G (ASB) and not Kenny G (BSB) and that's a shame cause Kenny G (BSB) was a very interesting dude to hear play.

Translation: Kenny G Before Songbird (BSB) and Kenny G After Songbird (ASB)!

Come on! Admit it! You know the SMOOVE Jazz Format is where all the Great R AND B Singers have gone so they won't starve or worse DIE!




When did JEFFREY OSBORNE and PEABO BRYSON stop being R AND B? Did they music change? No, I suspect that thier audiences grew older and mooooooore mellow so they went with the audience.

What about Bob James and David Sanborn? Both had long careers before "Double Vision" but you never hear them play much of anything either man has produced before "Double Vision"

The SMOOVE JAZZ Station only plays what fits and sounds like the format! So what we get is endless dreck! NOVOCAINE FOR THE SOUL! What about George Duke? Cannonball Adderley's later stuff? Grant Green? Hell, between him, George Benson and Wes Montgomery they practically invented every riff played on the WAVE yet they ain't being played! Think about that next time you listening to Ronnie Jordan, Norman Brown or Marc Chapman.

No, the Smoove Jazz format overall has just found a formulaic way to play music that does not stimulate......titillate or motivate............much! It's like they've taken the music and washed away all the SOUL! All the FUNK! And they left us with this bland, margarine, oatmeal music!


So, dig, here is my proposal. First, start playing more cuts from all the albums! Second, explore the wealth of such artists catalogs. Remember there would not be a SMOOOVE Jazz format if it was not for BOB JAMES, LES McCann, Stanley Turntine, Pieces of A Dream and Grover Washington. They were doing Contemporary Jazz, which was Jazz infused with Funk and Afro Cuban and R and B! They were doing FUSION which was ROCK and JAZZ. And the music deserves alot more respect than just some watered down MUZAK that passes for JAZZ!

NOVOCAINE FOR THE SOUL!


NOVOCAINE FOR THE SOUL!



NOVOCAINE FOR THE SOUL!



NOVOCAINE FOR THE SOUL!



Me......I'd rather have a drink!



BE Careful! BE Mindful! BE Prayerful!

Jaycee

2 comments:

~Sheila~ said...

Hi,
Thank you for stopping by my blog.
I'm not a Jazz listener, I usually listen to whatever I'm in the mood for but it's never Jazz, Classical or Country.
The part about the driver controlling the radio rings true though. That rule is in place when my husband and I go somewhere in the same vehicle.
I've slapped his hand away several times and spewed venom.
Don't touch that dial!

Mista Jaycee said...

I love music except for New Age and what is labeled smoove jazz. I learned to love classical. Good to see you and I hope you will follow and comment often.
Jaycee