I stepped outside of my building looking for the true four horsemen of the Apocalypse. I saw nothing purple, I heard no horrifying sounds but I had this uneasy feeling that I just couldn't shake. Disgust! Shame! Oh, the shame!
Like getting caught eating a huge helping of chili cheese fries with extra cheese, onions and chili peppers and a large cherry cola! The burning feeling in your ulcer, chest cavity and tummie. Sure, at first it's heavenly, the aroma, the way the melted Cheddar shimmers off the Styrofoam carton...what, like you don't know!
Don't Judge me!
But then, you're caught! You say, you're gonna change, gonna give it up and go eat a salad, but then the chocadiles ( chocolate covered twinkies) are priced at four for a buck.
Don't judge me!
Then, you see your chocolate smeared, tear stained double chin, in the mirror, and your butta half, did I say butta, I mean better half, shake their head in disgust and you realize you've got a problem but as the burning intensifies in your chest cavity and the Tums no longer work, ya know it's over!
Such is the 2008 Laker run. The battle occurred as I predicted in my earlier posts! It was horrible. The Celtics, in their sickening green costumes, I mean, uniforms, stomping all over the beloved Lakers. They out hustled, out rebounded, out shot and the defense was just too much. The Lakers, didn't even try to slow Rondo down, put a body on Paul Pierce and Ray Allen, how many three pointers were enough?
During the pre season, MVP Kobe Bean Bryant, went on a tirade about how Mitch Kupchek was a terrible GM and Andrew Bynam needed to be traded so they could get an all star and win. Well, he didn't have Bynum tonight! How ironic huh? Bynum developed into a monster then got injured. Salt in the wound dude!
Congrats, to the Boston Celtics and to everyone on that team. Doc Rivers, ya won with class and style. Congrats! Paul Pierce, well thank you for at least not finishing us off at home. Inglewood still loves you man! Ray Allen and KG congrats guys!
Now, Kenny G knew I wasn't gonna be listening to anything he was playing. I had John Coltrane's A Love Supreme on and I countered Kenny G with Branford Marsalis, who although he was angry that the NO Hornets lost in the playoffs, still came to the rescue with technical artistry, original compositions, and a beautiful tenor tone to stave off the evil that is Kenny G. Then I was ambushed at work with a Fabulous freestyle and then almost taken out by a lil Wayne barrage from his current offering of noise. I meditated on Rakim, Melle Mel, and KRS 1 so I wouldn't give into the urge to commit Hire Kiri on myself!
Barney, was countered by Charles Barkley who having defeated Godzilla grabbed a slinky and catapulted Jiggly puff into Barney and Bert and Ernie, and Blue from Blues Clues finished the purple dino thing off. Thank You, Sir Charles! But, Michael Bolton and Yanni were another matter. Michael Bolton didn't go down easy much like some really cheap brown liquor, but luckily Barney fell backwards and landed on Michael Bolton crushing him. We placed an Isley Brother Cd on the body to keep it from rising again and Yanni, well, he got away! But we're looking for him.
So the horsemen were vanquished from this plane of existence at least until the Oasis or the Wave or whatever decides to play them again.
Thanks, to Oscar the grouch, for getting a hold of Barkley cause man, Barney had an army of clowns, mimes and a demented Jack in the box trying to eat me!
Fear no clown!
Again, Congrats to The Celtics! Good Game! And Lakers I look forward to seeing the Laker Girls, I mean watching you guys next year!
Be Mindful! Be Prayerful! Be Careful!